TheRetroArcade
Veteran
Posts: 1,967
Joined: Feb 2026
Joined: Feb 2026
Also warn of a plague of weasels
DANGER DANGER, you now have 30 minutes till the RPS Monday morning meeting. 30 minutes till Julian asks us what we got up to this weekend, with the deceptively cuddly air of King Lear asking his daughters which of them doth love him most. What can I get written and published inside 30 minutes?
Ah, here’s Bungie with thoughts on this weekend’s Marathon reboot “server slam”, a server slam being a playtest that is designed to deliberately overload the online functionality in the hope that this won’t happen come release day on, in this case, 5th March. A fair few of you participated in the server slam, and a fair few of you have notes. The developers have rounded up the feedback they consider most vital. Beware: the following blockquote contains weasels.
To you know-nothing laypeople, “Weasel” might sound like a codename, but I am a professional games journalist with meticulous technical insight borne of almost two decades of experience, and can tell you with 100% confidence that Marathon’s servers are literally being attacked by weasels.
Bungie's rivals at Activision Blizzard have been incubating and training a crack squad of weasel interlopers for some time, for you see, weasels are long and slinky enough to fit inside fibre optics cables, allowing them to travel around the globe by means of the internet itself. These particular weasels are seventh generation T.E.L.U.M. Interdictors with diamond teeth. You haven’t been missing your shots in the server test - the weasels have been eating them before they land.
Stop yucking it up, Edwin, and tell me more about the dang videogame! Fine, inner voice of self-loathing. I played a bit of Marathon’s server slam last Friday, and came away basically unmoved by the extraction-shooting. I did feel that I was running out of ammo more frequently than I'd like, at such an early stage in the game, but the performance seemed fine. I did run out of heat (stamina) quite often, but I was still getting used to the handling, so I don't feel comfortable drawing conclusions there.
I was most beguiled by the art direction, making tenuous links to Nvidia's stranglehold on the global economy. Probably I should have just sauntered around screengrabbing stuff and saying “ooh, this is nice”, rather than trying to spin up a "state of gaming in 2026" angle.
Did you play? Any particular feedback for Bungie?
Marathon
iOS
Marathon (2025)
Video Game
Rock Paper Shotgun is better when you sign in
Sign in and join us on our journey to discover strange and compelling PC games.Read more: Full article on www.rockpapershotgun.com
What do you think about this?
DANGER DANGER, you now have 30 minutes till the RPS Monday morning meeting. 30 minutes till Julian asks us what we got up to this weekend, with the deceptively cuddly air of King Lear asking his daughters which of them doth love him most. What can I get written and published inside 30 minutes?
Ah, here’s Bungie with thoughts on this weekend’s Marathon reboot “server slam”, a server slam being a playtest that is designed to deliberately overload the online functionality in the hope that this won’t happen come release day on, in this case, 5th March. A fair few of you participated in the server slam, and a fair few of you have notes. The developers have rounded up the feedback they consider most vital. Beware: the following blockquote contains weasels.
To you know-nothing laypeople, “Weasel” might sound like a codename, but I am a professional games journalist with meticulous technical insight borne of almost two decades of experience, and can tell you with 100% confidence that Marathon’s servers are literally being attacked by weasels.
Bungie's rivals at Activision Blizzard have been incubating and training a crack squad of weasel interlopers for some time, for you see, weasels are long and slinky enough to fit inside fibre optics cables, allowing them to travel around the globe by means of the internet itself. These particular weasels are seventh generation T.E.L.U.M. Interdictors with diamond teeth. You haven’t been missing your shots in the server test - the weasels have been eating them before they land.
Stop yucking it up, Edwin, and tell me more about the dang videogame! Fine, inner voice of self-loathing. I played a bit of Marathon’s server slam last Friday, and came away basically unmoved by the extraction-shooting. I did feel that I was running out of ammo more frequently than I'd like, at such an early stage in the game, but the performance seemed fine. I did run out of heat (stamina) quite often, but I was still getting used to the handling, so I don't feel comfortable drawing conclusions there.
I was most beguiled by the art direction, making tenuous links to Nvidia's stranglehold on the global economy. Probably I should have just sauntered around screengrabbing stuff and saying “ooh, this is nice”, rather than trying to spin up a "state of gaming in 2026" angle.
Did you play? Any particular feedback for Bungie?
Marathon
iOS
Marathon (2025)
Video Game
Rock Paper Shotgun is better when you sign in
Sign in and join us on our journey to discover strange and compelling PC games.Read more: Full article on www.rockpapershotgun.com
What do you think about this?